Don't Give Up - by Jocelyn

Ever since I was young, I had always taken the shortest way out of anything physically demanding. My calling was for schoolwork; I was talented at it and I certainly wasn’t tired from thinking about math. Being clumsy and uncoordinated, I had always been unable to keep up with my classmates. They seemed to enjoy running around in the sun, while I felt like staying and home and relaxing. I never bothered to try, because I always believed I would be the worst. After avoiding my problem instead of facing it, it was time to face it in freshman year.

My chest heaved back and forth as my vision blurred before my eyes. I felt my eyelids flutter together. My mind was blank, and all I could do was concentrate on my breathing. Slowly I could feel my body recuperating and my lungs breathing a sigh of relief. The loud thump of my heart was now barely audible. A hand fell onto my shoulders.

“Are you okay?” Aly asked. Her eyes appeared deep with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired,” I mumbled, my face glowing red hot not from the run, but the embarrassment. I saw heads turn my way, and my gaze stayed glued to the ground.

“Listen up everyone! I hope you’re not tired from the warm up, because we’re going to run the mile! Run the best you can – the coaches want to see where you’re at.” Everyone around me groaned. I put my hands to my hips and sighed. I listened to the hushed conversations of the other runners.

“I haven’t ran a mile since eighth grade, I’m going to do so bad!”

“You? I haven’t ran my entire life until now!”

“We just ran a twenty minute warm up, this is so unfair!”
Groups of people sat huddled on the grass, dreading the moment to start running. Sweat shone across everyone’s faces as the sun beat down on our backs.

“Up off your butts everyone!” the coach yelled as he ran by. I trailed behind the rest of the group, already beginning to feel tightness in my chest. Before I could finish getting settled at the starting line, the whistle was blown. The group shot past me, legs gliding, almost bouncing off the track. I pushed harder and made it to the back of the group.

“Keep it up guys! Good job Jocelyn!” a few girls proclaimed. I nodded in thanks, and focused on the task at hand. A million thoughts ran through my head at once.

“My legs really really hurt… my calves are so numb. Dumb cramps, I shouldn’t have eaten that for lunch. UGH why is everyone else so at ease? I’m a terrible runner I don’t even know why I did this in the first place. Oh yeah, for PE credits. None of the OTHER girls are doing this for PE credits. Why are they all so good?! They started at the same time I did but I’m so much worse. Maybe I have asthma… Madison did say that my breathing should be checked out. I hope I don’t pass out today that would be so embarrassing… what lap am I on?”

I could feel my face burning up, and sweat dribbled like dog drool. I stared at the feet in front of me and yearned myself to keep up. Each step was more and more painful, and I couldn’t stop myself from counting seconds.

“One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi…” the more I tried to stop the more I counted. As we passed our second lap on the track, I wanted to fall to the floor in exhaustion. The varsity team continued to lap our group, and shouted continuous words of encouragement each time they passed. Most of my group seemed to enjoy it, but I only felt mortified. I wished they wouldn’t notice me struggling, wouldn’t notice that I’m the worst of the group. I hated being the girl that everyone felt sorry for. It reminded me of elementary school, when I was the one that always needed help. I felt useless when someone tried to encourage me to work hard and keep going. Slowly, I felt my legs tensing up. The group seemed to speed up before my eyes. I couldn’t manage to keep up, and when I tried I was left gasping for air. I let out a cry as I tried to propel myself forward, but I couldn’t manage. My friends leaped ahead of me, keeping at the same pace they started out with. They too had beads of sweat on their face, but cramps or hurt limbs did not seem to affect them.

“Come on, you can do it Jocelyn!” I heard from the front of me. I gave a weak smile, but my legs would not hold up. The third lap passed by, and I swore to myself. The group was starting to disappear and I had to strain my eyes halfway across the track to see them. I flinched as another varsity group ran by me, clearly noticing I was running alone.

“No one is to be left behind or to run alone!” the words of the coach ran through my head. I felt like a failure; it was so disappointing to know I was the worst of the bunch... and I couldn’t even keep up for half a track! It was killing me to not know my mile time. If it was as terrible as I thought, maybe I would have more inspiration to run faster. It wasn’t worth the pain, I was just making a complete fool of myself. Passing the third lap, I was ready and willing to give up. Almost no one was on the track – I was running alone. I had no one to push me and I missed the people running by helping me. I began to run faster, trying to catch up to my group, which by that time was three quarters of a track ahead of me. I slowly pumped my legs faster and faster, wanting to finish the mile as quickly as possible. I pushed the numb pain into the back of my mind and thought positive thoughts. What a waste of time if I didn’t complete what I started! It would feel so good at the end of that finish line. If the other girls can do it, so can I! As I fed myself encouragement, the track seemed to fly by me. As I rounded the last corner, runners who had already finished wished me good luck. I had inspiration coming from both sides of me and I felt like I could do it. Using the remainder of my energy, I pushed my way through to the finish.

“9:32! Good job!” the timer boy exclaimed. I smiled at him; a real smile this time.

My heart pumped so fast I thought it would burst out of my chest. I stopped to catch my breath, almost falling forward. My friends were waiting for me, and brought me with them as we walked for a cool down. It hit me that I had completed the mile without stopping, something I didn’t realize I could do. I felt so accomplished, especially because previously I had always run ten minute miles. All of a sudden I no longer felt tired and felt ready for the rest of the season. I could no longer remember the struggles I had on the track; only the feeling of achievement afterwards.

I was never the fittest girl, and my mentality stopped me from achieving bigger and greater things. I always avoided the situations and gave up before even trying. After persevering through my first mile in a long time, I realized I could do anything I set my mind to. All it took was patience and practice. With the first mile done, it changed the way I viewed myself and I knew I was capable of anything I wanted to do.